Doubts

23 Jun

Have I ever done anything completely selfish?  Yes.  Yes I have, or at least, I’m planning to.

I am planning to drag my family all the way around the world.  Taking my children away from their grandparents, cousins and friends, for nine whole months.  Nine months is a really long time if you’re four.  Almost a quarter of your life.

They have no choice in the matter.  They do what they’re told.  Would they choose to do this if it was up to them?  I don’t know, but I think not.  Any enthusiasm they show is picked up from us.  They really have no idea what it involves.

All the youngest knows, is that he will be sleeping on a plane.  He asked me if his uncle would be picking us up from the airport.  Because the only flight he can remember is when we visited his cousins in Germany.  And his uncle picked us up from the airport.

We wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t had the idea.  Hadn’t gone on and on about it.  Hadn’t said that I would be really sad if we didn’t.  We wouldn’t be going if I didn’t want to.

It’s too late to change my mind.  The tickets weren’t cheap.  And we’ve told the world and its wife.  There’s no going back.  It’s a juggernaut that I can’t turn around.

I don’t know how I’ll feel if they don’t enjoy it.  If it isn’t a positive experience.  But I can hazard a guess.  Pretty horrible.

What have I got us into?  I hope it’s worth it.

This week, I chose the prompt “Write about a time you put yourself first” in the Sleep is for the Weak writing workshop.

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40 Responses to “Doubts”

  1. London City Mum 23/06/2010 at 4:10 pm #

    You kidding me? Best experience ANY child could wish for, it will fuel their imagination and their development for years to come.

    Not selfish at all. Very indulgent I would say.

    LCM x

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 23/06/2010 at 4:40 pm #

      Yes, they are lucky sods aren’t they?

  2. jfb57 23/06/2010 at 4:25 pm #

    This is a great post! I can try to imagine how you feel at times but it is going to be great. Yes, not all the time every single minute but the whole package is great! You will be so glad you did it in years to come when you are thinking about great experiences. you have been unselfishly selfish because you are sharing the wonders with all your brood!

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 23/06/2010 at 4:41 pm #

      Mostly I’m very positive about it, otherwise I wouldn’t be pushing for it to happen. But sometimes, usually if I’m tired, I do doubt how wise the whole venture is. As it gets nearer, I think I shall be doubting myslef more often.

  3. Susie 23/06/2010 at 4:32 pm #

    Aw, don’t doubt yourself. If you believe it will be great it will be. Just make sure to back up your pictures online cause would be a bummer to lose all those lovely memories for the kids to look back on.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 23/06/2010 at 4:38 pm #

      Mostly I do believe, but sometimes I doubt myself.

  4. nomorexcuses 23/06/2010 at 5:06 pm #

    If you don’t go, you’ll always regret it. If you do… I think it’s highly unlikely any of you will ever regret it! The world & his wife think it’s an incredible idea – go for it 🙂

  5. MummyMatters 23/06/2010 at 5:06 pm #

    I think you’re doing a wonderful thing for your family, you will be creating some amazing memories for them all and giving them a great life experience. I’m sure there will be day where things don’t go quite as planned but you can have those days at home too. The good I’m sure will outweigh the bad. I would love to do something like you with my family but as I have a stepson all our holiday are limited strictly to two weeks and we certainly couldn’t leave him behind.

  6. Modern Dilemma 23/06/2010 at 5:15 pm #

    We did it. Put ourselves first. We wanted Singapore. The kids, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, well, they all wanted us to stay here. But we knew it would be the biggest adventure of our lives. It was and I wouldn’t change a moment. You are ABSOLUTELY doing a good thing for your family. Do you know what you’ll be writing about in two years time? Your saddness that the littlest ones are starting to forget the experience. We had that this week and it nearly broke my heart.

    As for the rest of your life. It will all be here when you come back. Barely unchanged. Unlike all of you, who will have had the most magnificent experiences.

    MD xx

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 23/06/2010 at 5:21 pm #

      Thankyou for that. It’s good to hear it from someone who’s done it. You keep talking to your littlies about it. They will remember.

  7. Pants With Names 23/06/2010 at 5:46 pm #

    Absolutely the right thing to do. Just think how they’d feel if they realised that they had almost gone but what you thought they might feel had stopped you? Kids are amazing, they just get on with it. And they and you will have a great time. So jealous!

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 11:38 am #

      Very true, I’d always hold it against them and become completely bitter and twisted!

  8. Nickie@Typecast 23/06/2010 at 7:56 pm #

    It SO is the right thing to do… they may not remember it in as much detail as you and your husband but they will have fabulous memories of it all because you will make sure they do 😉

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 10:04 am #

      I shall write reams and reams. Or perhaps megabytes. And take endless photos.

  9. TheMadHouse 23/06/2010 at 9:51 pm #

    It is expected that you would feel like this, it shos what a great mother you are, still thinking and caring about what the children will think. I amvery envious of you and can not wait to follow you on your travels

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 10:04 am #

      Thankyou 🙂

  10. Heather - Notes From Lapland 24/06/2010 at 8:12 am #

    how can they not enjoy it, all that adventure with mummy and daddy? All that fun, new things to see and do? Sure there’ll be times when they’re not that keen, when they’re tired and grouchy, but they’d be the same at home if they were tired and grouchy too, right?

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 10:03 am #

      Right 😉

  11. forrestblogging 24/06/2010 at 8:28 am #

    Well, we permanently re-located to the other side of the world, away from all our family, so I think we beat you on the selfish parents thing 🙂 But in all seriousness – it is normal to doubt your choices, but I think you know that what you have planned is an amazing opportunity for both you and your kids. And the thing is a family is not just about the children, but also the parents too – don’t forget that.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 10:02 am #

      Happy parents = happy children. I use that argument too!

  12. MummyT 24/06/2010 at 10:03 am #

    As you know, we’re doing this at the moment…

    I think, rather than focusing on the scale of the endeavour, you might focus on the little things that you know they will enjoy, and the amazing experiences they will have, and take with them for the rest of their lives.

    At four, nine months is a long time. Looking back on it aged nineteen, or thirty-nine, it’s a fraction of your life… I think, also, given that your husband works, it’s a type of quality time as a family, all together, that you cannot get without making that sort of leap.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 11:39 am #

      I know you are right, it’s just sometimes I need to voice the doubts, more to reassure myself than anything else.

  13. PippaD @ A Mothers Ramblings 24/06/2010 at 11:13 am #

    I haven’t read all the comments before me as no doubt they are all full of wisdom, but you know your family and what they are capable of AND what wouldn’t you of done for a trip like this at their age?!

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 11:40 am #

      They will get to miss school, which they’re looking forward to!

  14. Peabee72 24/06/2010 at 11:29 am #

    Yes you are being incredibly, wantonly selfish. It’s appalling really and I’m not surprised you’re having doubts….s’ok though as I have the solution *scribbles address on scrap of paper* transfer everything to my name, I’ll send you postcards – you can live it vicariously, no need to thank me. xx

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 11:42 am #

      You are so very kind and generous. You promise you’ll send me LOTS of postcards?

      • Peabee72 24/06/2010 at 12:09 pm #

        at least once a week – if there’s a postbox. If not, then pretty infrequently tbh, but y’know the thought will be there…

        • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 12:20 pm #

          That often? I am truly blessed to have such wonderful friends.

  15. Deer Baby 24/06/2010 at 2:05 pm #

    They will love it! Children are incredibly resilient and suck up new experiences like sponges. It is such a chance! I’m so envious. Last tear my husband was made redundant, I can work anywhere with wi-fi access, my youngest has not started school and the eldest will be changing schools soon. We started talking about what we could do – that we could do and live in New York for a year, emigrate, buy a house in France – all sorts of things. But then he got a job and all the talk faded. And whilst I was incredibly relieved that he got a job, I was a bit disappointed that all the talk evaporated so fast. You have this window – seize it. I know you will have doubts – it’s only natural – but what an experience it’s going to be.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 24/06/2010 at 4:11 pm #

      I always think you should never regret the things that you do do, only the things that you don’t. But I guess I’m getting nervous.

  16. Young Mummy 24/06/2010 at 8:01 pm #

    Selfish? No way. Inspirational? Definitely.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 25/06/2010 at 11:19 am #

      aww shucks!

  17. Natacha 25/06/2010 at 1:34 pm #

    Awesome experience for your kids! We traveled a lot when my son was younger, he still remembers all the great places we went to… and the museums we visited. You will never regret doing this…

  18. silviu 26/06/2010 at 9:37 pm #

    If you believe it will be great it will be

  19. scribblingmum 26/06/2010 at 9:45 pm #

    It will be the best, most positive experience they ever have and they are very very lucky to have a Mum that’s brave enough to go for it! It’ll be the making of them all. 100%.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 27/06/2010 at 8:02 pm #

      Thankyou for saying that 🙂

  20. eggscreamandhoney 28/06/2010 at 11:31 am #

    As everyone else has already said there is no way they couldn’t love it! It’s great that you’ve pushed for this and not given up on a dream. I am ever so slightly in awe by dear!

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 28/06/2010 at 11:46 am #

      I’m basically just really stubborn. Which is sometimes the undoing of me.

  21. Anita 28/06/2010 at 8:16 pm #

    Hi Victoria, i think it’s only natural to have doubts, but i know you’ll all have a fab time and be enriched by the experience. i’m looking forward to hearing all your stories! take care, chat soon, Neet, Rich & Noah xxx

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 29/06/2010 at 12:49 pm #

      Thank you, how lovely to have someone I actually know in real life leave a comment!

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