I’m at a crossroads. The past is behind me, the future in front. When I dreamt up the idea of going travelling, we were in the thick of the baby and toddler stage. It was inconceivable that the plan could be put into action before we’d reached the promised land of beds not cots, pants not nappies, walking not buggies. We would wait until our babies were no longer babies, then we’d go. It has been something that’s consumed my dreams, kept me going through the long sleepless nights.
Almost three years down the line, the toddler is almost six and the one year old is about to be four. He’s mostly dry at night, sleeps in a bed, walks or rides his bike everywhere. He can talk in complex sentences, make jokes, spell his name and climb trees. No one except his own mother would call him a baby.
For the last eight and a half years my life has been defined by my babies. My days have been filled with nappy changing, breastfeeding, pushing swings, putting down for naps, Cbeebies. As I lived the last eight and a half years it’s felt like they lasted an eternity, at times it seemed hard to believe that I’d ever come out the other side. I wished my time away. But as I stand at the crossroads, I realise they years have passed in the blink of an eye. With each new baby, time sped ever faster, and now it’s gone. I’ll never get it back.
I have much to look forward to, in a few short months we shall be embarking on a wonderful adventure, one that we wouldn’t be able to do if our babies were still babies. And I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see volcanos and glaciers, to lie on beaches and trek through jungles. I can’t wait to enjoy spending long day after long day with my husband and children.
But part of me wishes I could go back and start at the beginning. To have my time again. I don’t necessarily want to do things differently. I would just like to stop and take notice, to pay attention. To hold my babies once more.
This week I chose prompt three for the Sleep is for the Weak writing workshop, “What’s your magical power? Or what would you like it to be?” I would like my magical power to be time travel.