I have been shockingly remiss the last few weeks. I haven’t asked for you to vote for me in The MADs once. Voting closes on 6th June, so if you haven’t voted yet, now is the time to do so.
Sadly I can’t make it to the ceremony at Butlins in Bognor, but I promise to send a gushingly thankful message via Skype, should I win. I have been practising crying on command.
But why should I vote for YOU, you are thinking. What in the way of family fun are you offering? Clearly posts about poorly babies in hospital aren’t going to cut it. I need to offer you, my kind readers, more fun than a whole big top full of clowns. So here’s what you’re going to get:
- Steve will bungy jump, zorb and all the other mad things he’s been dreaming about whilst sitting behind his local authority desk. If you are very lucky, we might even push a small child out of a kayak for your vlogging pleasure. That and the £200 from ‘Kids Do The Funniest Things’ of course.
- We will eat bugs for your entertainment. The five year old has already munched on a scorpion in toffee, a worm in a lollipop and a number of chocolate-covered giant ants. He will add wichetty grubs and deep fried crickets to his repertoire. I’ve heard they taste a bit like prawns.
- I will wax lyrical about deserts, glaciers, rainforests and volcanos. Adjectives will be sprinkled with liberal abandon. OK, so maybe that’s not strictly fun, but it will be a quality product.
- I had a marvellous time laughing at your expense with the Car Sick Carnival. Now it’s your turn. I shall chronicle every jet lag nightmare, overnight train journey and 1,000K drive. You will be able to sit in your armchair with the smug self satisfaction of one who can say “I told you so”.
So what will happen if I don’t win? I shall chanel Eeyore and become morose and grumpy. I shall blog solely about digestive discomfort, dirty sheets and the itchyness of my mosquito bites. And where’s the fun in that? So snap to it, VOTE FOR ME. Ta.