Instructions for assembling ‘Small Boy in his Natural Habitat’

15 Nov

Dickon on Wimbledon Common

1. First remove the realistic forest floor from the box (part A).

2. Empty bag 1 and assemble the trees, making sure you match the correct leaves and trunks.  You should have 10 silver birch, 3 oaks and 20 beech trees.

3. Place the trees on the forest floor according to diagram 1.2.

4. Next attach the rain-swollen stream (part B) to the forest floor making sure it clicks in properly.  Your realistic-looking natural habitat is now ready.

5. Remove the small boy (part C)  from box.

6. Empty bag 2, and place wellies on boy’s feet.  Next put cosy fleece on the boy.  This can be tricky as he tends to run away shouting “I don’t want a coat”.

7. Bag 3 contains spare clothes.  Put these to one side as they will be needed later.

8. Place large stick (part D) into small boy’s hand.  If the weight of the stick makes him fall over, substitute smaller stick (part D1).

9. Switch on small boy and insert him into rain-swollen stream.  He will make realistic splashing noises and yells of delight.

Other children sold separately.

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17 Responses to “Instructions for assembling ‘Small Boy in his Natural Habitat’”

  1. Heather 15/11/2009 at 5:11 pm #

    i would be willing to loan you mine for a few months if you don’t want the expense of buying more…

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:26 pm #

      Thank you for the kind offer, but I’ve bought a 3 for 2 bundle and have my hands quite full already

  2. Metropolitan Mum 15/11/2009 at 5:38 pm #

    Dear manufacturer,

    Thank you for sending me Small Baby Girl. Upsettingly, it arrived almost three weeks late, but in one piece and without further damages. Seven months in, and it’s grown to Not So Small Baby Girl Anymore. Will it continue to grow that fast? I wasn’t prepared. You know, our house is rather small. Plus, I think I have lost the manual. Could you please email it again? And where is the reset button? I think I have made a few major mistakes in programming the thing and need to start over.

    Yours sincerely,
    Met Mum

    PS: Although happy with the product, I don’t think I’ll order from you again. Time and cost for maintenance are beyond believe.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:28 pm #

      I am sorry you are not happy with the size of our product. We would like to warn you that she will continue to increase substantially in size on a year by year basis. Her accessories will also grow in number at considerable added cost. Please refer to small print on packaging before complaining again.

  3. Marisa Harrison 16/11/2009 at 6:12 pm #

    Bag 3 should contain string or extra bag for collection of other sticks referred to as tools by small boy. Spanner, Hammer, Screw Driver or best of all chain saw. Or indeed pair of gardening gloves for supervisor who will inevitably end up carrying the load home .

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:29 pm #

      Small Boy was originally sold with a bag of tools (bag 4). These have since been recalled due to a number of unfortunately accidents.

  4. Brit In Bosnia 16/11/2009 at 9:26 pm #

    Also available for purchase:

    1, Large Boy, wildly irresponsible, egging on small boy to make bigger and bigger splashes, throw more and more stones and generally get even wetter than you ever thought possible. He will repeat the behaviour with once small boy is clad in the outfit from Bag 3 rendering small boy wet once more. He doesn’t respond well to howls of protest from his wife, but does do a good job to shrieks of delight from his son.

    2. Golden Retriever Dog. Will at some point leap into swollen stream knocking every one over. Then will leave stream and shake everywhere. Will ensure that half of stream and 3/4 amount of mud that is a part of Part A (realistic forest floor) will shortly be all over your own kitchen floor.

    Brilliant post.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:14 pm #

      We strongly recommend that Large Boy and Small Boy are not sold together, unless you get model C235 with attaching clips on Large Boy’s shoulders. Large Boy is then quite useful for carrying Small Boy. Golden Retriever Dog should only be sold to people who already own the lino floored Dolls House.

  5. Metajugglamum 16/11/2009 at 10:43 pm #

    Bags 2 & 3 should come as optional extras for potential savings on cost & delivery, given the bug in original production of ‘Small Boy’ which sees him automatically strip off clothes when in close proximity of water (ref. Part B). NB: Follow-up ‘Small Boy’ products may not remove clothes, but are reported to simply sit down on entering muddy pools. We are working to recall these models.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:12 pm #

      We accept no responsibility whatsoever for these faults. Please refer to the disclaimer in our catalogue.

  6. angelsandurchinsblog 17/11/2009 at 12:54 pm #

    Boys and puddles, one of life’s partnerships that shouldn’t work, but just does. And when you’re packing their spare outfit, don’t forget your own. Nothing like a good drenching with leaf rub-down to get that circulation going. Who needs central heating (not to mention Plastic Bits of c*** R Us)?

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:31 pm #

      Adult bag of clothes is sold separately at a price of £275

  7. English Mum 17/11/2009 at 2:06 pm #

    Dear Sir/Madam

    Please find enclosed my ‘Small Boy in Natural Habitat’ kit, complete with Spare Teenager (3) and large dog (4d: greyhound) that I purchased alongside the kit.. I would like to point out that these items should not be sold together as there is a danger that Spare Teenager winds up Large Dog to such an extent that Small Boy is knocked into water and loud shouting matches occur, followed by sulks. I would also like to point out that the wet small boy does not sit well on a carrier bag on the way home.

    I await my refund.

    Yours,

    E Mum.

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 17/11/2009 at 3:10 pm #

      Dear E Mum
      The manufacturer is not answering calls. I suggest you contact the CAB.
      Yours not very sincerely

  8. Kelly 18/11/2009 at 1:10 pm #

    My Small Baby Boy seems to be stuck in screaming mode today. Is there any way to reset this mode or at least alter the volume level?

    • itsasmallworldafterallfamily 19/11/2009 at 12:38 pm #

      This model is notoriously unreliable, and was designed without a reset function. As they get bigger, the loose wiring tightens up and you should see improvement. In the meantime, sleep often helps as does fresh air. Both of these can be purchased separately at extra cost.

  9. Pippa 23/11/2009 at 11:10 pm #

    Great post, but I feel that a further more detailed instruction kit may be required next year…

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